Today was a dark day in Paris.
I didn’t think it possible, honestly, for me to ever to be sad in the city of light.
In the middle of the night, the phone wouldn’t stop ringing. I lay in bed with the kids wrapped around me like pretzels, all falling asleep together.
I thought, I can’t possibly leave this delicious nest, let alone get untangled in the dark to get the phone.
But it kept ringing, and ringing. I got up.
It was Mike calling. I answered “Are you ok? What’s wrong?” in a total panic.
Mike was crying so hard on the phone I couldn’t understand anything he said.
I kept saying “What?”, “What?” trying to listen closely and somehow remain calm.
He tried to slow down to deliver: “My dad had a stroke, on life support, inoperable. And slower still, “He is going to die today.”
I will never get that out of my head.
Grandpa Carl was the most kind, gentle, caring, hardworking, healthy man.
He focused on eating right. No gluten, no sugar, no anything.
Never drank a drop.
He grew all his own produce in his beautiful garden with Grandma Bonnie.
He exercised daily.
He studied politics, and everything voraciously.
He was a technology and science guru.
He went to church like clockwork.
He loved his devoted wife. His children. His eight grandchildren.
He worked round the clock for weeks at age seventy renovating our house alongside my own Dad, Mike and me. That’s one of the many reasons I never want to live anywhere else.
Tears have been streaming down my face all day long.
My kids don’t quite know what to do or say.
Death is so painful and difficult. It is even more so when you are across the ocean, feeling much too far away from the loved ones you want and need to be with.
Mike didn’t want us to fly back yet – so we did the only thing we knew we could.
We walked the city of Paris, and lit candles for Grandpa Carl at every single church we found.
We said our prayers all day for him.
We held our hands together and shared favorite memories with Grandpa.
We drew pictures for Grandpa Carl in our sketchbooks.
We took photos and sent them via text and email to Mike, Grandma, and our aunts and uncles back home so they could feel our love and support from much too far away.
We sent lillies, from their Lilly and Parker to Grandma and to both aunts so there is something on their doorsteps when they get home.
Kids are so innocent. It’s profound, even magnified today.
They are so sad, for so many cherished memory reasons.
“We won’t ever ride tractors again with Grandpa.”
I said “Grandma or Daddy will take you on rides now.”
They said “Only Grandpa knows the path.”
“We won’t swing on Grandpa’s homemade wooden swing.”
I said “You can still swing, and we can remember Grandpa.”
They said “Only Grandpa is allowed to push us.”
Parker said: “I feel so sorry for Daddy. Now he won’t have a Dad. He doesn’t have an extra.”
Tears, like a river, ran down my face. I was speechless.
I know this simple post will mean the world to Mike. So I write while Paris sleeps.
We miss you already Grandpa Carl.
All our love, for always.
You, Mike, Lilly and Parker are in our prayers. You’re post brought tears of sadness for you. We love you!
Christine –
Thank you so much – we appreciate your prayers and tears thinking of us, of Mike and his family.
We love you,
Debi
Debi:
This is so moving…Michaela lost her grandpa and my Michael’s father around the same time last year. My heart goes out to all of you. This was a beautiful tribute to Grandpa Carl!
Cheers,
Laurie
Thank you Laurie – I have been off blogging for the week and am all teared up reading all of these comments this morning. One week later.
You are so kind and supportive to send your thoughts and your own story.
I hope to meet Michaela soon, and see you again.
Debi
Dear Debi, we are so sad for Mike, for you and the kids. All our thoughts are with you.
With love, the Duquesnoy
Merci beaucoup Famille Duquesnoy.
Your call to Mike from the south meant to very, very much to him.
We miss you – a bientot.
Debi
Dearest Debi ~
Thank you for sharing your enormous, beautiful heart. You are an amazing wife, mother and daughter-in-law and this is the most exquisite tribute imagineable to Grandpa Carl.
I’ve read this now …oh, probably 10 times, and tears are still streaming. Love to you, Mike, Lilly, Parker and your entire family
Debbie,
I have know you…FOREVER. My whole entire life. Thank you for always, ALWAYS being there for both me and my entire family.
Books should be written about you. Television shows produced.
We need to work on this…
Debi
Our hearts and prayers are with you and your family. This is a beautiful tribute, Debi – one of the most precious I’ve ever read! My tears are flowing with you for Grandpa Carl.
Sweet Blessings,
Sandra
Thank you so much Sandra – you are so sweet to send you love.
Sweet blessings to you as well.
Debi
Dear Debi, You do not know me.I was just about to send you a business letter when I came across your blog. Truly I have tears in my eyes. How lucky to have had a father-in-law like Grandpa Carl. I simply adored my Father so I can certainly empathize.
A more beautiful tribute has never been written.
Sincerely Wendy Kimmel
Wendy, thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful note. Everyone has really sent love and support via emails, texts, posts…it has been so touching, so supportive, so beautiful. Hope you are well. Debi
Dear Debi,
I only just found out about your family’s loss this weekend (in correponding with you mom). Tears are streaming down my face reading this beautiful tribute and love letter to your father-in-law, Mike’s Dad, and Parker and Lilly’s Grandpa Carl. My heart goes out to you all! love, Susan
Susan,
You are so kind – thank you so much.
Hope to see you again very soon for yet another lovely evening together.
Debi
I just opened this and am so sorry for your loss. Your tribute is so sweet and very healing for your beautiful children. I extend our sympathy’s to you all. Like we told our kids when we lost Paul’s dad in a very similar story. “We were blessed to have known him” You are in our thoughts and prayers. Extend our sympathy to your dear hubby. Pamela and the whole De Boer Fam.